Am I seeking answers? Why?

As I reflect on this Sunday’s chat, I grudgingly realize that we now live in a disjointed society where our contact with others is defined by tweets, photos on social media, texts…often in an undecipherable language if you are of certain mindset, and the disappearance of personalized face to face conversation and letter writing (remember that?!) So, what is the solution? I suspect we will arrive at that strategic stance on an individual basis.  However, I humbly suggest that after reading this chat, reach out to a friend or family member and have your own conversation with another person. 

Enjoy this Sunday. 

And now, here is my chat with Sarah Khan.

Sarah Khan (photo provided)

bill berry, jr.:

Sarah Khan…while I am not going to overestimate who you are but rather reflect your truth to date, you are a student and scholar, a writer and poet.  You have published scholarly articles and in literary journals.  Your achievements to date, would reflect that you are older and more experienced than what you are.  So please share…who are you; how do you describe yourself as a person, as a woman, and what are your goals for 2018?

Sarah Khan:

Well, I am in the process of figuring myself out and I keep going in circles. I never get one answer owing to the unpredictable, variable and contradictory parts of my personality. I am one person one minute and another person the next. So the only stable thing about my personality is its instability.

Since I am not the prototype of a woman, I have unconventional aspirations and beliefs about myself. Time and time again, I am reminded of the societal barriers and things that are expected of me. Though as long as I am sticking to the values I hold dearly and keep people I love in my confidence, I find nothing stopping me from doing what I want.

My goals for 2018 are not definite. I go with the flow. If you are asking me about my writing career then I know I will write until my last breath. I wrote and published for the first time at the tender age of 7 or 8 without realizing the significance of what I had done. This subsequent understanding later made me realize that writing comes to me as naturally as existing. I also know I will keep on pursuing higher education in psychology because it’s my passion as well. That’s all for now, I guess.

bb:

Your response put the song” Going in Circles” in my mind.  Sung by the Friends of Distinction (Harry Elston, Floyd Butler, Jessica Cleaves, and Barbara Jean Love) it was included on their 1969 album, “Grazin” and a popular hit. Anyway, circling is not necessarily confusion but a well-established process of discovery and a method of self-exploration.  Now, you mentioned societal barriers, expectations of you, and your unconventional aspirations. Can you be a bit more specific about what you are referring to, and are those issues determined by where you live, spiritual beliefs, and being a woman in those contextual frameworks?  Also, if you are willing to share, how old are you?  And do you see yourself as being a role model for young girls in your country/region? Why?

SK:

That’s what I like to think about it. That circling is a process of discovery. This keeps me from stressing. It was exactly based on that thought that I gave up self-exploration. It was beginning to drive me crazy. I thought diverting my attention for some time will help me getting to the answer when I am least expecting it. I am still waiting for that moment of revelation, lol.

Anyway, talking about societal barriers and expectations of me, it’s all about my culture. The funny thing is people living outside of Pakistan think that it is the religion that’s stopping us women from some very fundamental stuff. In reality, it is our culture which at times is nowhere close to our religion. Pakistani culture represents the values of the once sub-continent more than it does Islam’s. Islam gives freedom to the women more than we give it credit for. So, I have a taboo attached to myself (which again has social and cultural roots and not religious) and I am proud to say that I have worked past that. I refused to let it define me and I think most of this has to do with the faith my parents put in me and my gift of never giving in. I can be quite stubborn.

I am 21 and no, I DO NOT SEE MYSELF AS A ROLE MODEL. The thought of it is so scary because I am exceedingly flawed. I would not want any young girl to follow me. Here’s a funny story. I have a sister who is eight-years-old and she mimics every single thing I do. She even tries imitating my smile. I know you must be thinking that’s adorable and I do share the sentiment but in the long run, it scares me to see such blind admiration.

bb:

I think young children learn to better understand who they are and what they want to become through the eyes and actions of someone that they care about, are enamored with. Sons want to be their fathers; daughter their mothers; sisters their older sister.  Maybe that is part of the normal cycle of life and child development but you know more about those psychological dynamics than me. Now to some of your other comments. 

In the West, and probably more so in America, there is the intense focus on Islam rather than culture.  It is assumed that the culture flows directly from and is therefore an appendage, a direct outgrowth of the religion.  Culture. Religion. One and the same.  And it is the religion that subjugates women and not necessarily culture since one is the same as the other.  Can you share a few cultural expectations that be different from or aligned with (in whatever way) the basic core tenets of Islam?  And keep in mind whatever are the differences between Pakistani culture and the specific cultures of other countries in the region, Americans would not have a clue.  As far as your last share, US retired basketball player, Charles Barkley, in 1993 proclaimed, “I’m not a role model.”     

SK:

I know and understand this. But the point remains. I consider myself unfit to be anyone’s role model.

You know what kind of news is sensationalized on news channels regarding Muslims? There are two sorts. When it comes to Muslim men, we see news related to terrorism and their undue authority over Muslim women. With respect to Muslim women, we see news about pardah (veil) and the right to education and freedom and I laugh, Bill whenever I see channels, anchorpersons and analysts calling them Islamic practices when they are nothing but non-Islamic. These are some of the cultural and social practices. You know fully well the position women have held in past times regardless of their religion. It’s a social thing. Don’t make it religious. Both of us know how people in authority have continued to exploit religion for personal interests. Religion requires unquestionable faith at times and those in power turn this in their favor. This is what’s been happening since the dawn of time. My advice would be to refer to the teachings of the religion in order to know it better and not pay heed to the interpretations delivered by people who might not have sincere intentions. Most of all, don’t mistake some of the hideous practices as honor killings, forced marriages, suicide bombing etc. etc. as religious. They are anything but that.

Misinterpretation and deliberate misdirection of religious knowledge for wicked purposes is the problem, not the religion itself.

You know I never really advocated Islam publically after any terrorist attack carried out by ‘Muslims’ yet here I am, telling you that Islam indeed is the religion of peace and does not endorse violence. Back in Mohammad’s (Peace be Upon Him) era, troops weren’t even allowed to harm crops and buildings and today news channels want us to believe that some bearded men who shouted ‘Allah o Akbar’ prior to blowing scores of innocent people up are actually Muslims. I’ll stop here for you to make a judgment for yourself.

My final word would be to live and let people live in any way they find good for themselves as long as it is not hurtful for their fellow human brother/sister.

bb:

You speak truth and therefore, bring the power of information.  Unfortunately, the majority of people do not take the time to investigate, research, self-learn before forming an opinion.  It is simpler to accept someone else’s assessment as truth.  And it is critically important for folks, like you, to articulate and motivate people to find the essence of an issue before taking a position.  And that is a herculean task.  So, what else are you passionate about and why?

SK:

I am passionate about living. I want to experience life in all its rawness. There are times when I feel I am too protected and not exposed to some situations in a way I should be if I want to learn and grow. Once you have had a taste of life, you want more. I am talking about sweet and bitter experiences both.

Also I am passionate about being passionate. I am not easily excited or thrilled and it’s almost a curse. It’s all-or-none kind of deal for me. Those fleeting moments where I feel overtaken with passion and joy are very rare in my life. I would like to experience some more of those moments. Like I said, once you have had a taste you crave more. This is all, I guess.

bb:

“Passionate about being passionate.” I like that.  I suspect as you move through additional life experiences, there will be several occasions where issues will challenge your emotional sensibilities and send you on various waves of joy and exhilaration. So, be careful what you wish for.  Of course, you can come to America to pursue your graduate work and get your feet wet and get caught up in the myriad issues that permeate this country.  And please share your impressions of Florida, New York City and America in general since you had the opportunity to recently visit.  As this chat comes to closure, I have been wondering how you see your short and long range future.  If you could create the ideal “world” for yourself, what would that environment look and feel like?

Thank you for taking the time to chat with me.  You are a valued member of the aaduna community, and a cherished friend. Best of everything to you.

SK:

Oh, I loved my visit to the USA. It happened all of a sudden within a fortnight. I hadn’t had much time to think. So I was neither excited nor agitated about going there. I was indifferent and now I am glad I was. America was a pleasant surprise for me. I didn’t know I would like NYC so much. I always thought it would be an overcrowded, noisy city that I wouldn’t like at all. How much happy I was to have my expectations refuted. I loved, loved New York.

As to Florida, I had to like it since that’s the kind of place I would choose for my own residence. It is beautiful, quiet and serene. I am always torn between choosing NYC and Orlando as the city I liked the most. I like them both for different reasons. That’s what I tell people when they ask me about my impressions.

There’s one thing I would like to mention about my experience in America. There are people everywhere but it feels as if they aren’t there. I don’t know if it’s just me but it feels like nobody ever ‘sees’ anyone. People are just walking, doing their own thing, not taking notice of others in their vicinity (I am not complaining! It’s just an observation).

I’d rather not talk about my short-term future plans publicly but I believe you know them quite well. I just hope that they work out in my favor. As to the long term future, it’s like what I told you in the first question. I see myself writing and working as a psychologist. I see myself doing a lot of traveling and going to faraway places. I would love to visit places like Uzbekistan, Armenia, Greece, Romania, Ireland, Italy etc. That sounds very idealistic, I know. And this brings me to the last bit of your question. That’s how I see the ideal world; where people get to travel wherever they want and meet new people and embrace each other’s culture. Traveling broadens minds. It’s a shame the majority of us don’t get to benefit from the experience due to undue restrictions.

It has always been a pleasure chatting to you. I should also mention how you made the meeting between Tamara and I happen. I hope all of us get to meet and sit together for a meal the next time I am in America.

****       

Sarah Khan (photo provided)

Sarah Khan, also known by the pseudonym of Bazigha Khan, is a poet, researcher, fiction and nonfiction writer from Karachi, Pakistan. Her work has appeared in Young World, aaduna, Vshine Magazine, North West Words, Soapstone Creek Literary Journal, Student’s Voice, Khabarfeed, PenSlips, Cat on a Leash Review and Teen ink. Ms. Khan has won three national poetry competitions. Being a researcher, her research and review articles have appeared in “Annals of Psychiatry and Mental Health,” “Austin Journal of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences,” “International Journal of Multidisciplinary Research and Information,” “EC Psychiatry and Psychology,” and “Journal of Depression and Anxiety.” A collection of her short stories ‘Life’s Peculiarities’ was published in Jan. 2017. (https://www.meraqissa.com/book/124.) From September 2014 to March 2016, she was the cover story writer for Vshine International Magazine. Currently, she serves as a guest contributing editor for the literary journal, aaduna.

Ms. Khan's aim is to contribute to the fields of arts and science simultaneously, and play her part in making this world a better place.

_____________________________

aaduna - an online adventure with words and images - a globally read, multi-cultural, and diverse online literary and visual arts journal established in 2010.  Visit us at www.aaduna.org where we put measurable actions to our words.

Help us build community!  Share with your friends,  "like" our Aaduna-Inc facebook page and follow us on twitter @ aadunaspeaks !  

 aaduna-Inc  Visit regularly for updates !