It is Sunday, Earth Day, and time for a chat
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| "Earth Day 2018," photo taken April 22nd, 10:26AM in Auburn NY at aaduna headquarters by Lisa Brennan |
As far as this
morning in Auburn, New York, it appears that spring may have finally woke up
from its lazy don’t want to get out of bed attitude. With rain and sporadic snow throughout this
past week, the sunshine and temperatures in the mid to high fifties are a
welcome start to a new week. And with
that “sunny” thought in mind, enjoy my chat with Suyasha Subedi.
Thanks for
taking the time to chat with me. There
are a few issues I want to raise at the onset of our chat. Where does your love of nature come from; how
does that interest define who you are, and are there environmental issues that
concern you? Now, I will further add to
what I just put on your plate. You
describe yourself as a feminist. From
your perspective, what is the state and standing of women in your country and
more broadly, in your region of the world.
Suyasha
Subedi:
Thank you too
for your time. I am from Nepal, a country that lies in the lap of the Himalayas.
It is extremely beautiful and rivers, waterfalls, forests, hills, mountains
lured me at a young age. Then I felt a need to describe nature’s beauty which I
do via poetry. Yes there are environmental issues that concern me since humans
are here for short time but what they do lasts longer.
About me
being a feminist, it started when I was a little girl. I had a class called
General Knowledge. The book we used stated “we live in patriarchy”. That term amazed
me while listening to it at first, but after knowing its meaning made me very
sad. Then I started noticing the society I am living in. Women’s
lives are centered into the frame of patriarchy in our country. Male members always
make big decisions in the family and a male child is preferred more than
females. This inspired me to be a rebel as it was hard to accept that women
were not treated equally.
As a writer I
tend to visualize myself in someone else’s shoes especially a woman who is
suffering. I try to imagine how they feel and that becomes a part of my writing
with a strong message to convey. I want to be voices of many women in today’s
world.
bb:
I align
myself with your concerns about environmental issues, and am prompted to want
to know what are those issues for you and why?
As far as the patriarchal nature of Nepalese society, is there a
country-wide feminist movement, underground organizations, and public
demonstrations in the streets? Is there
an equity for women looming in the Nepalese future since most social movements
are not birthed in the present but, unfortunately, in the future? While the hardcore ground work is laid in the
present, the growth of those seeds come later.
And I understand if there is a reticence on your part to respond to my comments.
Suyasha:
There is no reticence on
my part to respond to your comments. Environmental issues can be various kinds
of pollution due to population increase or urbanization. And people caring less
about trees and leaves and caring more about their needs that includes dumping
waste into water resources breaks my heart. The river that flows in its
direction is somehow distracted by waste maybe puzzled or directionless and it
hampers the beauty of a pure and clean river that shone from clean white turning
to black. I can’t stand the look of it.
Sadly there are no
country wide feminist movements nor public demonstrations here. Having a
feminist movement would be great. There are a few organizations but not so
active to eradicate patriarchy.
Our societal values are
dominated by religion i.e. entire concept of patriarchy comes from religion
since ancient times. It’s very hard to change the way people think and the
whole idea of patriarchy is so deeply rooted. It is very difficult to make
people see the world with a different perspective. It’s been going on from
generations and the term ‘culture’ does not leave you alone.
It’s more like I can see
it right in front of my eyes but can’t do anything about it than stare or pick
up my pen and write. As women and girls do not know that their lives can be
better than this, they have no option than to just accept their lives as they
have been framed that way since birth. Sometimes I can’t accept the fact that I
am living with it, and next moment, I realize I really am. And the dark magic
of patriarchy prevails.
Talking about
possibilities of change each and every girl must accept that their lives can be
better. That it is wrong for male members to interfere in their personal lives
like brothers and fathers can be very controlling and manipulative not letting
a girl think of happiness and herself even in simplest things like telling a
girl to be home on time. Girls should learn to take a stand and speak up for
themselves. It’s very wrong for a girl to walk with fear on her mind only
because she is a girl. Girls do not need to be shown their position. They
should know that girls are capable of so much more than expected of. Also, when
a male child is preferred to females child it has a psychological impact on a
female child too. So the seeds are lying somewhere hidden and I have no idea
when they will sprout in near future or seeds will not ever be found.
As I can’t do much
practically I try to analyze simple life situations and how directly and
indirectly it has been affecting lives of women and thus end up writing
stories.
bb:
So I suspect that in any
personal relationship between the sexes, women succumb to a pre-ordained,
expected role and automatically become subservient to the prerogative of the
male, especially if they want an opposite sex partner. With your thinking and attitudes, what
options exist for you in terms of relationships and also friendships? Are those
relationships thorny for you because of your strong gender opinions and
feminist inclinations? And in a Nepalese social structure based on religion,
what is the status of a LGBT community if one exists?
Suyasha:
A woman is symbol of
femininity and she is gifted with the capability of bringing someone to earth.
Each one of us had a mother who gave birth to us. Not only as a mother, a woman
plays many roles in her lifetime. Here, she is mostly defined by the man she is
with. No matter how qualified, talented or extra ordinary a female is she is
defined by a man especially her husband. After twenty-five years or so it is compulsory
for woman to get married even if they do not want to and have some other wishes
and they tend to find potential spouses for her.
A woman is expected to
stay at home after marriage and a lucky few get to work outside home. She is
expected to sit in a certain way, walk in a certain way, talk in a certain way.
For instance: Once I was commented that I walk like a guy. This made me feel
sad as it’s my choice as to how I walk. So I choose friends very peculiarly and
I prefer to hang out with people who have affinity towards the .way I think.
Another time I was called “not so cultured “by an adult for not being timid and
subservient as expected out of a girl. It pricks me like a thorn many times,
frankly saying, all the time.
But what fascinates me
most is females are ready to accept what is expected readily, which I cannot.
When a man and his family members come to look at a woman for arranged
marriage, there are certain criteria that a woman must fall into to be
desirable: she must have symmetrical face, pretty hands and legs, girl should
be able to cook, wash, clean and handle other household chores, most
importantly, a virgin is preferred. The
male side choose girls they want their family members to marry and girls are
happy that they are chosen. It’s more like a negotiation, love, freedom both
are missing. My big question is will the newly wed ever fall in love? What is
life without love?
At twenty-four, twenty-five
years old is crucial time for anyone’s career to be defined but once you are
married a girl cannot think about it. It’s like her individualism is lost
somewhere and she can’t think for herself, they will think for her. They
constantly pressure her for a child without caring for her wishes i.e. many
children until a male child is born. And if a girl does not agree to all of
these she is considered ill cultured, maybe irresponsible, unsocial or
unacceptable in society. More like if a sheep falls in hole, the entire herd of
sheep follow and all fall, live together without a ray of light to enlighten
them. Same thing is going on .You just can’t stand out! If I express my
thoughts in front of males and females of my age I am laughed at so all I do is
write, and paper is a very good listener, that is an escape for me.
Talking about LGBT in
Nepalese society The Supreme Court of Nepal 2007 legally recognized third
gender. This was a very big achievement for LGBT supporters and Nepal was
exemplary not only to South East Asia but to entire the Asia continent and the
whole World. The Constitution of Nepal 2015 made special provisions to support
LGBT. There are no rules on same sex marriage but marriages of same genders are
registered and approved without any hesitation. It’s a matter of pride and
extreme happiness to all LGBT supporters. But for women, it’s not the same and
they are still considered liabilities even if there are no such rules it’s in the
thinking and mindset of people; traditional patriarchy is rigid.
bb:
You have enlightened me
and I appreciate your understanding. I
wonder what you will do in the next few years.
Does your family see you as becoming a traditional Nepalese young woman (and
currently, do they just “tolerate” your attitudes and positions and hope you
will outgrow them) and would they arrange a marriage for you? And if you do not
comply, do you then bring dishonor and embarrassment to the family? And would
you ever consider leaving your home country and live in another place that is
more equitable towards women? And I am
fascinated by Nepal’s positon towards the LGBT community and wonder if enlightenment
on that issue may someday seep into issues of women’s equality.
Suyasha:
Haha, have I? It's been
wonderful talking to you, Mr. bill. My thoughts burst out like water balloons
sometimes. Well, I have not thought much about what I will do in next few
years. As I am gonna complete my bachelor's program in computer engineering,
and I want to write and write as long as I live. Writing is the only thing that I love, and I
would quit everything else if I could write the whole day without having to do
anything else. I plan on finishing my first novel and, hopefully, find a
publisher. It’s gonna be a fiction novel i.e. written mostly in the form of poetry.
I plan on spending my life writing and working in the field of
technology/computer (which is my hobby). I dream of being an independent woman.
But I am sure to dedicate my entire life to writing. I will live, just to
write.
Yes, my parents would be
very proud of me if I would be a traditional Nepalese woman. So if my parents
want me to have an arranged marriage I would probably be independent and will
live alone! Problem solved! And hopefully, I will live with the love of my
life. I am smiling right now. Love is life for me. It’s like when you have
someone so close and someone who understands you so much better than you
understand yourself you need nothing else. So, yes I am gonna live with the man
I love and not the man whom my parents want me to love. Life is too short.
I can't wait to fight
against the world or anything that comes on my way for me my world is where I
live. It’s gonna be an adventure! I am ready with my sword. Me against the
world. I will fight for myself, fight for women like me, fight for future
generations. And yes, I would dishonor family members with society if it's
about dishonoring until they learn to honor women. But they’re still my
parents. It’s every child’s dream to make their parents proud. I hope that
someday they’ll understand and catch up with how the rest of the world works
and feel proud of me, and be happy for bringing me into this earth. They will
be proud of having me as their daughter. I have been a rebel all my life. and
I’m ok with being a black sheep of the family if that is what I have to be to
get what I want, being independent and capable of thinking for myself.
I have lived in Nepal all
my life. I love my country and I am very patriotic. I will leave Nepal the day
I become be totally hopeless about change or be completely drained. I have not
thought about living abroad till now.
Talking about LGBT
community with its situation it’s a blessing! In relation to women's equality,
I definitely see a parallelism between the two communities; they both want the
same thing: freedom to be themselves without being judged. But I don’t know why
it’s not helping with woman's equality. Maybe religion? As ancient stories have
included homosexuality to be natural. And religion followed here does not
oppose the idea of LGBT, so it’s completely acceptable here. While for issues
of women’s equality it’s not the same and it’s complex.
bb:
I have thoroughly enjoyed
chatting with you and appreciate the knowledge that you have shared with
me. As our talk come to an end, I wish
you the best and the courage to tackle whatever problems you elect to find
solutions to. On closing, computer
engineering?! As a woman who is
following a science, technology, engineering, math scope of study, who is a
poet, feminist and ‘rebel” is there anything else you want to share? Again, thank you and stay blessed and
safe.
Suyasha:
I would like to thank
you, Mr. bill, for being so patient and listening to me.
I consider myself an
introvert. I keep quite most of the times, and I prefer to speak less. However,
my brain is a complete extrovert. I dream all the time. I take flights between
classes, climb the highest mountain, swim across the ocean, and reach to
various places in my imagination. I live different lives in a day. I day dream
a lot. However, I know that paper and pen are the only things that can bring my
introvert outward self and extrovert mind together. I can open up about
anything while writing. So, I want to go for a masters in creative writing in
the future. English language is not my mother tongue but it still fascinates me,
and I wish to learn actual or real English language/literature someday.
Seeing the sunrise at
7:04 am, from inside the bus at a spot, on my way to college makes me smile.
Seeing a colony of hard working ants that live on a small crack on the window
pane, across my bench makes me smile during my class lecture. A lady bird that walks on balcony during breaks, makes me
wanna look at its details and write poetry on it. Everything inspires me to
write. Chirping of birds in the morning, swaying of leaves in the wind, a tree
at side in a bustling street, clouds of various shapes in the sky, they all
give me immense happiness. Also, I love to see moon and stars in the sky.
I love seeing people
smile. A smile has the power to make other happy as much as one to smile enjoys
it. It makes me sad to see people suffering, crying, or moaning in pain.
Hearing a whining puppy melts my heart. Seeing someone in ragged clothes makes
me feel sad and I wish life was easier for all. It would be so amazing if every
human being had a chance to live without suffering and pain. But then again,
ups and downs in life make it an adventure
and worth living. I am grateful to have this
life. I feel time is limited and every second is important; the clock is always
ticking. I wish to write my thoughts on paper as much as possible. I wish I
could take a long break from everything else in life and only write all day.
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| Suyasha Subedi (photo provided) |
bill's post commentary:
The current President of Nepal is Bidhya Devi Bhandari, elected in October 2015. She is the first female head of state of Nepal. I am poignantly reminded of the first African-American male president of the USA who served two terms. Change at the top does not necessarily mean change throughout the citizenry. Ponder that.
'Nough said.
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